There’s a place many survivors of abuse know intimately, though it doesn’t always have a name. It comes after the leaving, after the chaos, after the immediate danger has passed. On paper, you’re free. But inside, you feel frozen. Exhausted. Lost. This place is called the void.
What is the Void?
The void is not the beginning of your healing journey, but it isn’t the end either. It’s the uncomfortable middle—where you’ve escaped survival mode, but haven’t yet stepped fully into real healing. It’s where you’ve stopped living in fear, but haven’t started living in joy.
It’s quiet here. Too quiet. And that silence, after months or years of high-alert living, can be deafening. The void often feels like numbness, like loneliness, like something is missing—but you can’t quite say what. This is the space where many survivors get stuck. Some give up. Some stay here for years, still surviving, just in a different way.
What Survival Mode Really Looks Like
Before healing, there’s survival. And survival mode is a brilliant, powerful response to danger. It’s what got you through. But it’s also exhausting, isolating, and unsustainable.
Survival mode looks like:
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Hyper-independence, because trusting others feels too risky
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Avoidance, because thinking about the past hurts too much
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People-pleasing, because it once kept you safe
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Numbness, because feelings were too overwhelming
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Perfectionism, because control feels like protection
In survival mode, you manage your life. But you don’t truly live it.
Why the Void Feels So Hard
Leaving survival mode means letting go of the very tools that once protected you. That’s terrifying. You might feel like you’re losing the only armour you had. What’s more, healing asks you to stop running—from your past, from your pain, from yourself. That’s why the void feels so unbearable: it’s the space where all the distractions fall away and the real work begins.
How to Move from Survival to Healing
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Recognise You’re in the Void
Naming it helps. You’re not broken, lazy, or failing—you’re in a very normal part of the healing process. The void is a pause, not a dead end. And you can take a deep breath and move forward and begin creating. -
Get Curious, Not Critical
Instead of pushing yourself to “fix” things, ask gentle questions. What do I want more of in my life? What do I no longer need to carry? What might safety look like now? -
Start Feeling Again
Numbness is a shield, but it’s also a prison. Reconnect with your emotions slowly—through journalling, therapy, music, movement, or art. Let yourself feel, even if it’s uncomfortable at first. -
Build Real Safety
Not just physical safety, but emotional and relational safety too. Who makes you feel seen and heard? What environments let you relax your shoulders and breathe? Create a new definition of “safe” based on your current reality, not your past. -
Let Go of “Old You”
The version of you that survived abuse is not the same version who will thrive. She did her job beautifully. Now it’s time to gently lay down those survival tools and try something new. You don’t have to be hypervigilant, agreeable, or invisible to be loved or safe. -
Create New Rhythms, Not Just Habits
Healing isn’t just about what you do, it’s about how you live. Invite in joy. Choose slowness. Give yourself permission to rest. Build a life that doesn’t feel like a battle. Embrace self-love and personal expansion. Imagine all the possibilities for you and begin creating a path to a new way of living and loving.
Final Thoughts
The void isn’t failure—it’s the invitation to something deeper. Real healing begins when we stop simply surviving and start choosing life. And you, dear survivor, are worthy of a life filled with softness, connection, and peace.
You’ve made it out. Now it’s time to move through.
I have created a short Where Are You in Your Healing Journey? quiz. Take this 2-minute quiz to discover whether you’re still surviving, stuck in the void, or stepping into true healing - Click HERE to take the quiz.
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