When I married my abuser, he promised me amazing celebrations for our anniversary and my birthday, convincing me to get married the day after my birthday. I thought it would be the perfect way to celebrate the two biggest milestones in my life, all wrapped into one beautiful package. But instead of joy, he stole that celebration from me, taking his girlfriend on our honeymoon trip to Paris.

After leaving an abusive relationship—whether with a partner, family member, or friend—many survivors face an emotional challenge that isn't often discussed: toxic nostalgia. This is when the abuser reappears, often through hoovering or love-bombing, attempting to sweep you back into their control with affection, promises, or manipulated memories of “better times.” They create a haze around the very real reasons you walked away, trying to lure you back into the cycle of abuse. Here's how to recognize toxic nostalgia and stay strong in your resolve to maintain your freedom and peace.

When you're on a journey to rebuild your life after experiencing abuse, one of the core elements you'll likely focus on is self-esteem. It's often described as the foundation of confidence and personal growth. However, self-esteem is surrounded by many myths and misconceptions that can make it seem elusive or even unattainable. In this post, we'll explore some of these myths, debunk the idea of a "one-size-fits-all" approach to confidence, and offer a more personalized perspective on building self-esteem.

Anxiety is often perceived as a nuisance, a mental state we desperately want to avoid or eliminate. However, what if we viewed anxiety as a protector, a part of ourselves that signals when we feel unsafe? This perspective can shift how we understand and manage anxiety, transforming it from an enemy to a guide.

When people think of love, they often imagine a deep connection, mutual respect, and a sense of safety and security. However, what happens when that "love" repeatedly leads to pain, frustration, and disappointment? The truth is, sometimes what we believe to be love is not love at all—it's a pattern.

Blake Lively's statement, "You are so much more than just a survivor or just a victim. And what someone has done to you doesn't define you. You define you," captures a powerful truth for women who have experienced domestic violence and are ready to step into their new chapter. While the trauma you have endured is significant and life-altering, it does not have to be the defining feature of your identity. Moving beyond the label of "victim" is crucial for women who want to reclaim their lives and create a future they love.

-On your journey of healing from an abusive, toxic or high-conflict relationship, it's easy to get caught up in labelling. You might feel compelled to identify your abuser as a narcissist or yourself as codependent or empathetic. While these labels can provide some initial clarity about what happened to you, they are not essential for healing. In fact, they might even hinder your progress by keeping you trapped in a cycle of defining yourself through the lens of the past. Instead of focusing on labels, a more empowering approach is to ask yourself two simple yet profound questions: What do you want more of in your life? And what do you want less of in your life?

Something that is taken away from us in an abusive, toxic, or high-conflict relationship is Control. Throughout the relationship, control belonged to the abuser and you had none. Oh, you tried to control the situation but the abuser's personality disorder and need to abuse was not something you could control.

Recovering from an abusive relationship is a journey filled with challenges, but it's also a path to rediscovering your inner strength and resilience. One powerful way to navigate this journey is by setting goals—goals that stem from your curiosity and desire to rebuild your life on your terms. Here’s how you can use curiosity to set and achieve your goals, one small step at a time.

When we have left the abuser and we want to create a new life for ourselves, it's not uncommon to encounter obstacles that seem insurmountable. These can range from personal doubts to external circumstances that block our paths. Phrases like "I have no money," "I'm not smart enough," or "I can't do this" become familiar refrains in our minds. However, the simple addition of a single word—"yet"—can transform these statements from declarations of defeat into expressions of potential and hope.

The biggest stumbling block to creating and living a new, bold, unapologetic chapter after abuse is you have become a stranger to yourself! You have spent all your energy appeasing, supporting, and acquiesing to the abuser simply to keep the peace or keep the abuser from hurting you or keep the abuser from leaving, etc. And now you are free from the abuser and feel lost - who are you? what do you want? what are your passions? Moving on and creating an amazing life for yourself begins when you embrace curiosity!

Let's chat about societal norms. What they are and how they keep us stuck or small.